Davina Kotulski interviewed by Alison Palmer on the Energy Medicine and Body Wisdom Summit- Transcript Below
ALISON PALMER: Hi and welcome. I’m Alison Palmer and this is the energy medicine buddy wisdom series. It really is the path of the awakening so today I’m really excited because we’re talking with DR. DAVINA KOTULSKI. Now you read her bio underneath here guys, we’re not wasting time going through that. So read it it’s all there but she has written about maybe she’s going to hold it out which is let we go, Fantastic “It’s never too late to be yourself” and we’re going to explore some of the themes in that it’s an award winning book but anyway welcome Davina
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Thank you so much for having me Alison it’s great to be here and to be a part of this series.
ALISON PALMER: Well we’re thrilled to have you here and I just wanted to dive in. OK, so you talk about how important it is that we discover our deepest identity our real authentic self and so I wanted to start with that and I what do you mean by authentic self? How do we know when we’ve discovered it? What happens if we never discover it, and what happens if when we find it we’re frightened by something and we try to run away from it? So there’s a there’s a lot of just throwing at you so.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Great questions absolutely. So I define our authentic self as really our authentic essence and what I mean by that is that our soul, our heart and our soul are our true being, not our ego, not the masks we wear, not our false self, not the self that we’ve created to appease others in the world, but our true authentic essence, just that that purity of being that purity of presence that we truly are and that pure presence is what is a part of us that is has never been born will never die and is connected to everything,the allness of life, but it is individualized as us. We are unique and individual. We each have our own special gifts and calling and contributions that we’ve come here to express and to share with the world. And, yes, as we get more clear and connect more with our soul it is absolutely terrifying because we’re shifting from our personality our egoic desires, goals and ideals to our authentic presence in the world to a more timeless Soul wisdom soul presence. And that can be extremely terrifying because we’re taking our focus away from the outside world and the accolades and accomplishments of the outside world doesn’t mean we don’t still do things and contribute, but we take our focus away from that and we start turning it inward to that deeper connection with Spirit, with ourselves, with a higher source within us.
ALISON PALMER: Yes, as you was saying that I was and I was just feeling in to where I am with that’s actually which is that even today I was just enjoying my garden and I was thinking you know I’m turning exactly what you said I’m turning more and more into being connected to my essence. Oh I feel calm I feel calm and I feel just very peaceful and very full of gratitude and I feel the outside world kind of and it is shifting like you said its, but so for a lot of people when that begins to happen I mean I glad I came back to it at the moment but like you say a lot of people go into complete fear about this. So what can people do? What happened with if they turned away from it and they just choose not to.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Well first off I just want to say that there’s a struggle that goes on within each of us and it’s a struggle between the heart and the mind Right? And there are things that our heart wants and there are things that our head tells us that we should do and go after and what is the logical thing and what I want to invite people to do and what I’m inviting people to do in the book it’s never too late to be yourself and the subtitle is follow your inner compass and take back your life. It’s that your heart is your inner compass, it’s your true north, and you listen to your heart and you let it guide your head. You don’t throw out your wisdom you know you don’t throw out logic but you let your heart lead you let your heart lead and let that inform the decisions that you make. You don’t do something just because it’s practical or safe or everybody else is doing it or you know it adds up to the right reasons. You have to listen to is this decision in alignment with my heart? Is it in alignment with my gut? Does it feel right? Because our mind can lie to us, our mind can create all kinds of fabrications.
Our mind is full of negative thinking errors self to self-talk that’s defeating all kinds of stuff but our heart it’s always like “how do I feel? Does this feel good? Is this so bad?”
When it’s in a heart, your heart draws you towards inspiration right. Your heart will get you to move after things that are fearful because you desire them but you’re being pulled. Now the head is going to push you away from things. The head is going to make you make decisions to avoid pain Right? So it’s going to either take you away or is going to make you do something because it doesn’t want you to experience pain, it doesn’t necessarily move you because of inspiration.
So again coming back listening to your heart now are things going to be scary? Absolutely, you know love is about vulnerability. You know if you’re a parent Oh my gosh the you’re bringing a being into the world where there’s so much love there’s so much joy and also there’s a potential for so much vulnerability and pain. You’re very vulnerable as a parent because your heart is now outside of your body, beyond wearing it on your sleeve but this is where this is where life is, right, this is where life is.
ALISON PALMER: Yes what was coming through me was so this is the courageous heart isn’t it? It’s having the courage to follow the inspiration that’s coming from your heart.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Yes.
ALISON PALMER: So I left that push and pull thing that you know that makes it quite clear if this is if this is pushing me away from something that’s my head and if this is pulling me towards then that’s my heart.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Yes. Yeah, good.
ALISON PALMER: You could say that most people okay, most people like to think they have a courageous heart and will do this and I think I’m going to put myself in this camp completely, most of us don’t follow the guidance of our heart.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Yes ,it can be very scary to follow the guidance of your heart because we’ve been programmed to believe that that’s foolish. Right, if you follow your heart you’re a fool you know we’ve even a tarot deck right. You’re walking off a cliff if you’re a fool and so we’ve been programmed to be practical. We’ve been programmed to take very calculated risks if we take risks at all. We’re afraid we’re afraid of losing we’re afraid of getting hurt.
There’s a movie that just came out here in the United States about Harriet Tubman an enslaved person in the eighteen hundreds in Maryland. She had had this interesting injury where her head was cracked open right where her third eye was and she had visions. She communicated with God and she would have visions of things and she had a vision of leaving her slave master and going to freedom and she by herself made a journey of 100 miles to freedom and when she got to Philadelphia people were shocked that she had made this journey by herself but she kept praying for guidance and she there was a moment where she was on a bridge and she was going to be captured and she just listened to her minister said Fear is your enemy trust God, and she jumped off the bridge and she lived and not only did she get herself to freedom but she then went back to help other people and take them to take them to freedom over and over again and so she had to over two to move past that fear to stay safe.
She had to trust in something bigger than herself and if she could do that, not being able to read, having everything against her, then I want to encourage all of us to listen to our inner guidance and to trust and to take those steps and to know that the universe loves you and supports you and wants you to be happy and free and if you’re challenged to take those steps get support.
We don’t have to do everything by ourselves. There are other people that can hold our hands and can you know encourage us as we do take those steps to follow our heart and that’s again that’s where life is juicy that is where you know so much of the beautiful adventure is when we stop playing small and we really listen and it’s not necessarily about being reckless. We’re not being reckless but we’re listening deeply we’re getting in alignment with our heart and then we’re taking action from that place.
ALISON PALMER: I love that, that’s why the beautiful adventure begins I mean this is not what we all want for our life. We wanted it to be a beautiful adventure and yet we settle. I know for lots of women in particular. I don’t want to just keep this this particular thing that I’m going to say just as a as a trait for women.But I noticed amongst women that they will say “this is what I want” and start moving in that directionand a whole load of stuff comes in, whether it’s stories in your head or whether it’s the stories from the people around you, all society even, which tells you that you’re selfish for doing that. And then you can spiral into feeling really guilty. So as you’re trying to move forward you can be carrying the weight of this guilt. So do you have any sort of suggestions on how we can liberate yourself from guilt because I think it’s going to come up for a lot of people.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Yeah absolutely. We have been programmed as women to put our needs last and to put everyone else first and to make sacrifices. You know there’s nothing wrong with making sacrifices. There’s nothing wrong with caring for others obviously those are wonderful qualities. However it’s also important that we care for ourselves. When we do we’re now role modeling something different. We’re showing other people how to speak up for themselves, how to get clear on what’s important to them, and that’s empowering for ourselves and for others. But yes, we’ve been programmed to believe that if we speak our truth or if we go out for what we want we’re selfish and so that those feelings of guilt will come up that they absolutely will come.
So prepare for that OK. Notice, “Oh there’s those feelings of guilt. There’s the voice of I’m being selfish I’m being self-absorbed .Who do I think I am?” Right, that’s a big one.
Who do you think you are if you claim something for yourself or if you want to make a change in your life or if you want to contribute or you know you have a gift to give those voices will come up and so just acknowledge them.
I hear these voices they want me to stay small they want to keep me in my box. But if I’m true to myself what else is possible? How does this empower other people? How does this empower myself? Don’t spend a whole lot of time trying to say why you’re not selfish just OK you know I it’s there.
ALISON PALMER: Yeah, I mean I was thinking when I am when I decided to start my business I had. So I was a single mom at the time and I was working really I was working teaching English as a foreign language and I was working like crazy hours and I decided I was going to start a business and I had all these voices exactly like you said going on in my head. My head was absolutely jam packed with my own voice telling me you know who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Yeah, and then people around me would say with a mirror to abate you know they didn’t know what they were challenged by what I was doing or whatever was going on but they were also saying well who the hell do you think you are? If I’m even my close friends. So I had to I had to educate them had to say to them listen my head my own head is just full of those voices. I can’t make anybody else saying that to be so let’s you couldn’t support me than be silent.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Yeah, and you know last night I was actually talking to a client about that voice of who do you think you are that question?
Who do you think you are? And we talked about it more deeply. And the answer to who do you think you are ? is You’re a you’re a Being of Light. Iif you’re a spiritual person, the answer is You’re one with all that is .You’re one with the divine presence.
So who do you think you are?
A channel of light a channel of healing a channel of love. That’s who you are! A child of the universe, you know. If you can start to answer it in the affirmative then you’re gonna get into your power. Who am I? I am a messenger of God or I’m a message of the light I’m here to help people, that’s who I am and then you begin to claim that for yourself and it’s just true. It’s not narcissistic it just is you know that’s that’s who we came here to be we didn’t come here to just you know move widgets around we came here to shine our light.
ALISON PALMER: Yeah, that’s so beautiful and it’s so empowering because it’s very tempting to think okay this is what I want to be pulled towards it and still take with us the paradigms the old paradigms that we’ve been working in so that we’re still directed by ego or by values that aren’t anything to do with who we really are that is essential being of light. So I think that that’s beautiful and with that once we acknowledge that might sound authentic self that you know you talked about at the beginning and there’s this element of trust isn’t there this element of trust in the spirit universe God whatever it is, Will hold us we’ll be there? Will, I don’t know that we don’t feel alone. How can we open up to that little bit more a little bit more in those times when we’re feeling alone?
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Great question. So first just a premise that again we have many of us. OK, so we’ve sort of been programmed to have a low vibration Right, to think that we can only do so much or b so much because that benefits the powers that be OK, I’m not going into a huge political conversation but there are many powers and institutions out there that benefit from our self-doubt that benefit from us being in a certain place and needing to go through them to get our inspiration or to find our value, but we have we are able to connect with life with spirit with the universe wherever we’re at and how we can open to that how we can lean into that faith and feel more of that support.
Well one thing you can do is you can meditate you can meditate you can quiet your mind and just clear out all the garbage. So just taking some time to meditate 15 minutes 30 minutes whatever it is when you sit in meditation you’re letting go and you’re letting your natural effervescence begin to bubble up when you meditate as you let go of the thoughts you just calm. So meditation makes you available to spirit it makes you available to feel to feel the palpable presence of the universe supporting you and the more you meditate the more you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that effervescence for that vibration that palpable presence.
Meditation is a great way to start.
ALISON PALMER: Yes.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: The other thing is that those thoughts that come up those negative thoughts you have to just observe them and let them go. Sometimes it’s helpful to ask: Is that a thinking error? which thinking error is that right? OK, is it all or nothing thinking is that catastrophiising what are these thoughts?
OK, I see them that’s you know those thoughts are there to try to keep me safe and small they’re part of that mental limitation. I see them I recognize them boom let them go.
And then the next thing is to trying to do things that lift your vibration and lift your frequency.
What helps you connect with your heart?
What helps you connect with your joy and open up?
What elevates your frequency and what literally elevates your vibration?
Is it singing is it dancing is it having a cup of tea on your porch is it buying beautiful flowers and surrounding yourself with beautiful flowers or scented candles whatever it is whatever brings you joy and lifts your vibration so that your feeling that state of calm and openness this is this is you are spiraling up energetically into a higher place and when you’re in a higher place energetically it’s kind of like being in the eye of the storm in a hurricane right. Yes there’s there are things going on around you but you’re in a stronger place you’re in a more peaceful place and you can handle what goes on.
ALISON PALMER: Yes.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Also just appreciating things feeling your gratitude, Right. When we’re grateful when we are enjoying life you know I’m grateful for these beautiful flowers. I’m grateful for the trees outside. I’m grateful that we can connect on this computer and we’re on different continents different time zones like how cool is that and just finding things to appreciate, finding the joy around you and seeing how the universe shows up again and again in your corner. Those are ways to lean into the universe to really look you know are we going to have some challenges? Absolutely. Are things not going to work out how we plan them? Yes, but watch where that goes. Follow those breadcrumbs because often you know it’s like OK well if one thing didn’t work out something else happens is even better than we can expected. So you have to look for the winds and you have to see where the universe is supporting you and be willing to be willing to go on the journey.
ALISON PALMER: That’s so beautiful that’s such an amazing amazingly simple thing to do of all the things that you suggested that I really love that look for the bread crumbs in front of them because they that sometimes they might be whole cakes you know but sometimes they just give bread crumbs and we are so programmed to look for everything nothing’s working to you, you use and an expression [inaudible at 22:14] with program and [inaudible at 22:16].
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Absolutely.
ALISON PALMER: I love that, and we want to reprogram ourselves so bliss that yes so we can learn anything
DAVINA KOTULSKI: And imagine that if people were programming themselves for bliss Right, if again not, not to the extent of harming other people nothing like that not a hedonistic bliss but just a joyful bliss an open hearted bliss right. Imagine if people felt good about themselves and the world wouldn’t that cut down on addictions.
Wouldn’t that decrease health concerns if we felt more joy an authentic connection with ourselves and one another?
Wouldn’t that lower materialism and consumerism when we have more regard for our planet and our air and one another?
I think that would shift absolutely shift the world I think that would so many of the climate crisis and the exploitation of others and the things that we’re experiencing today that are just atrocious and destroying our humanity and our planet. I think that we would see a reverse in that we would see more kindness. There just would be more regard for life itself if we had more regard for our own hearts and our own truth and we allowed ourselves to be sensitive because the mind hardens us like with when we go into our mind we Harden right. We compartmentalize when we’re in our heart it’s like we’re in our right brain we see the interconnectedness of everything we feel when someone else is hurt we feel their pain and so our empathy is greater our compassion is greater and I think that as we have more compassion and love for ourselves we’ll have more compassion and love for others. It will absolutely shift the paradigm of how we show up with one another.
ALISON PALMER: Absolutely. Well that you know we should be broadcasting that to loud Alison Palmers you know but because that I’m totally with you. I totally agree you know bliss revolution. Here we come, let’s change I just say that’s fabulous. I think it’s wonderful and I just encourage everybody to really absorb that what Davina has just said because it’s so powerful so Davina you have got a free gift to share with people.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Yes, yes so I’m going to give you a copy of the first chapter of my book “It’s never too late to be yourself”. So there’ll be a link that you can click on and just go in and you’ll get your free copy and then if you’d like, also there’s a way for you to find out how you can get an audio version of the first chapter too. So you could listen to it or you can read it whatever you prefer and I hope you enjoy it.
ALISON PALMER: Fantastic, fantastic. So that’s like the beginning of the journey to connect with your authentic self and I love that you say it’s never too late because that’s so empowering just that especially is so empowering. So everybody you know make sure that you get hold of this and this amazing gift the first chapter of the book of Davina’s book. Davina it’s been great having you on here, you know obviously we don’t have time to go into things in more or more detail which would be amazing if we did but I just think that the message that you bring is so powerful it so and it’s so doable. You know we don’t have to learn massive things we can just make that choice right now in this very moment and really transform our lives and transform that ripple effect outwards. So thank you so much for coming in and sharing about it today.
DAVINA KOTULSKI: Thank you so much for inviting me and thank you for listening to your heart and posting this wonderful event. I appreciate it.
ALISON PALMER: Well thank you. OK everybody thank you as well for joining us today. Bye then.