Overwhelm is Optional- Tools to Stay in the Flow in 2020
Check out my interview with Desiree Kroner on her electrifying online summit, The Quantum Shift.
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Host:
Hello everybody and welcome to the quantum shift. Today we have a phenomenal speaker, coach and author Davina Kotulski. Yeah Davina thank you for being here today.
Davina:
I’m so happy to be here thanks for inviting me.
Host:
Yes would you mind telling the audience a little bit about yourself?
Davina:
Sure so I’m a clinical psychologist, a life coach and a spiritual counselor and my passion and calling is to help people remove the blocks and obstacles both emotional and sometimes even societal they that are in their way that keep them from following their hearts and living their passions. I’m deeply committed to helping people to live the lives that they want to lead and to make a positive difference on the planet because I think we are all interconnected and when we’re happy and we’re doing our calling and helping others we uplift the planet.
Host:
Yes. Yes. Would you mind telling the audience about your book? Your book is phenomenal.
Davina:
Sure oh thank you so much. So I actually have a copy right here it’s called it’s never too late to be yourself follow your inner compass and take back your life and this book was a labor of love I wanted to write a book that walk people through the process that I use when I’m working with my clients either they’re the clients or coaching clients and that would have the exercises and the technology in there so that they could you know make the transformation without having to see a therapist. So it’s like a therapist in the box or the coach in a box it helps you connect with your heart move through your fears and get really clear on your goals and intentions for your life.
Host:
Yes I love that. I love that because that’s what we’re talking about today. So today we’re really looking about looking at what we do when we get overwhelmed, frustrated stress when we’re creating from the subconscious because when we’re in the subconscious and we’re in a negative emotion then we start looking at the world from these lenses of these negative emotions and we think everyone’s out to get us or we take everything personal and it’s a train if falls and it keeps tumbling until we’re disrupted right. Until we get in the way of it.
Davina:
Absolutely yeah. Yeah mastering your psychology is so important and there are many things in our lives we can’t control. But we can control is we can pre-pave our reality by creating an empowering mindset and engaging in practices that keep us connected to our higher selves to source energy and to just create a positive mindset that no matter what shows up we’ve got these practices in place that get us back on track.
Host:
Yes absolutely so what’s a good let’s talk about some of these practices. So say I am super overwhelmed. I’m stressed out. The weight of the world is on me. I’m not meeting my deadlines the weeks not going right and things just keep following apart. What do I do? What can I do to just snap out of it?
Davina:
Okay yeah great and I work with folks all the time that are dealing with things like this I work with a lot of actors and writers that get into overwhelm and have to deal with a lot of rejection and you know if you’re an actor a writer and you’re done with rejection or overwhelmed and you let it get to you it’ll take you out of the game. So it’s really important that you stop what you’re doing and meditate. So meditation even for 15 minutes a day is going to help you slow down and reset it’s going to clear out the cachet of negativity and allow you to begin refreshed so that’s one thing you can do is meditate. Do you meditate?
Host:
Yes I do guided meditations actually. It really helped me.
Davina:
Yeah guided meditations are great especially if your mind’s going in a lot of different places. Guided meditation is also nice because it’s very directive and focused so that’s great and if you don’t have access to guided meditation just sitting and breathing for 15 minutes that’s going to help you reset as well. See you don’t want to wallow in this stuff. You want to be able to bounce back right?
Host:
Yes. What type? So I do the four step breathing, where I breathe for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, hold for four seconds. This one works really good for me. Or I do diaphragmatic breathing where I breathe from the lower part of my stomach and I let it build up and I blow it all out those are two types of breathing that really helped me or do you have any types of breathing you recommend?
Davina:
Well those are great and any sort of deep breathing where you’re grounding yourself you know in the now. Bringing yourself back to the now. Slowing everything down that’s perfect but really any sort of meditation any sort of deep breathing is going to empower you. There’s a lot of wonderful techniques out there I do a lot of a positive meditation where you just slow down you close your eyes you breathe and you do some scanning through your body just noticing the sensations letting them arise and letting them disappear and remembering that everything is impermanent and you don’t have to be attached to anything right it just allows you to be present so I love that. So another thing you can do when you start to feel overwhelmed is you’ve got to shift yourself talk right and affirmations are a great way to do it and again if you have some of these practices in advance then you know where to go when you start to spin out right so affirmations positive self-talk I can handle this right whatever shows up I know that I have resources to move through this. This too shall pass. I’m strong, confident and resourceful. I’ve got this. Finding any kind of affirmation and you know writing out some of your affirmations in advance so you’re practicing them on a regular basis but when you know you start to spin out and stop yourself and go back. Okay what am I feeling? What do I want to feel and how can I talk to myself differently through this? I’ve got this. I can handle this right I may not know a way but my Higher Self does I am connected to you know the infinite universe and the universe knows how to make this work out. And so I just connect with that energy that creates worlds and that knows how to resolve this situation.
Host:
I love that. So what if I skip the meditation and say I’m overwhelm and I go straight to affirmations. Do you recommend that or do you recommend the calming before?
Davina:
You can go straight to affirmations. It’s what you have time for maybe you can’t sit still for 15 minutes but you can take a few deep breaths as we just talked about you could close your eyes for a minute or two and just say I’ve got this. I’ve got this. I am at peace. I can handle this you know there are phrases like you know the universe will never give me more than I can handle so whatever it is like you’ve got these practices these tools in your back pocket use them don’t just sit there and spiral out and say I suck I never do anything. Like stop the negative self-talk. Take a deep breath and speak more positively to yourself. Coach yourself through it. Be your own best friend.
Host:
Be your own best friend I love that. I think it’s really important the self-love part is really important so I think a lot of times we get really hard on ourselves especially in our society where there’s so much comparison going on and we really wear ourselves down and then we create from scarcity because we think slacking when we’re really so abundant all the times. Even in our overwhelm, in our frustration we’re so abundant. So yeah I have an interesting question that I thought of right now as someone who’s a practitioner. How do you support people when you see them going through this? How do you support them to get to that next phase?
Davina:
So one of the things that we do is we see the best in each other right. That’s what practitioners do. Now sometimes in a regular life we see the worst in others. We see their failings. We find their shortcomings. Practitioners see the best in others. We have a sense of positive expectancy. We know that things are going to work out. We know that the universe is friendly and so when somebody’s going through something we just see them in the highest light. We see them as resourceful. We see them as things working out for them and that is kind of like lending your confidence to somebody else. Now there’s a story I talk about in my book about crabs in a barrel right. And oftentimes so crabs if one crab is trying to get out of a barrel the other crabs will pull it back down right. And we have sometimes we have friendships in our lives we have people in our lives that when we’re trying to get out of something we’re trying to improve ourselves they will actually pull us down to their level now I’m saying if you were hanging out with crabs you’d be the person that pulls them out pull them out of the barrel help people out but it’s best if you surround yourself with high vibrational people that can see the best in you and you see the best in them and that’s about intentionally creating friendships and relationships with mindful conscious people that are choosing to see the best in you and choosing to see the best in themselves. So I highly recommend getting a high vibration tribe.
Host:
I love that but I love that what you just said right now because I think there’s a self-reward in that too because when you show up for people and you see the positive in them and you see this beautiful finished result and you’re really living in the vision that whatever they’re going through they’re gonna get out of it’s almost rewarding for you to show up like that for them right. It’s almost it’s kind of like you’re so in abundance that giving them that and helping them in that way is almost like reassurance that this abundance perspective works because it’s really abundance good you’re living.
Davina:
It’s abundance and it’s gratitude and that’s the other thing when you’re an overwhelmed if you have a gratitude practice it’s going to inoculate you to overwhelm in a lot of ways because you’re gonna be focused on the goodness in your life. You’re gonna be focused on what you can appreciate. Alright? And so ok I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the air that I breathe in. I’m grateful for this opportunity that’s showing up. I’m grateful to stretch. I’m grateful you know for whatever it is so when you’re focused on gratitude. You’re gonna be inoculated against a lot of stressors because you’re gonna be giving thanks in advance. You’re going to trust the universe. You’re going to be connected to all the goodness so even if things are you know going wrong you’re not focused on the five percent that’s not working out you’re focused on the ninety five percent that’s going great and you’re gonna feel more resourceful more magnetic and more energized to handle whatever shows up.
Host:
Yes absolutely and what comes with that is that when things come to you, you don’t take them personal.
Davina:
That’s right.
Host:
It’s not the world out to get you.
Davina:
It’s victim consciousness.
Host:
Yeah because then you’re so in abundance that even when the worst happens you’re like okay this is cool how do we shift how do we got to do what’s the solution you know this brings an easiness in life that really we get to have we get to create.
Davina:
Yeah and if something goes quote-unquote wrong right you can look at it and go okay there’s a reason for this that is for my highest good. So okay you know what my car broke down alright why you know it’s like oh why does this always happen to me why is my car burned and nothing ever works out oh wow you know what maybe my car broke down because if I had gotten in it today it would have broken down on the freeway or I might have gotten in an accident or whatever it is like there’s always a reason for something and people forget that they forget that the Universe is actually you know watching your back. Okay your flight was delayed. Maybe there was a good reason your flight was delayed. Aren’t you happy your flight was delayed? And it wasn’t like you know you didn’t have to experience whatever it was that might have happened if your flight wasn’t too late. So those are the things that we want to focus on. One relationship doesn’t work out okay sometimes that’s the way it is something better comes something different comes you just have to stay open right.
Host:
Yeah absolutely and I think it’s super interesting because I feel like we can look at the same situation differently. So my car breaks down I look at it like okay how do we fix this? What do I reschedule? I go into solution mode or maybe some solution or how do we solve this but if the car breaks down for my dad my dad’s different so my dad will go and get in the car he’s the older man so he’ll get it he’ll just be like oh this old car is crap. I shouldn’t mark it but you know.
Davina:
He’ll focus on the negative aspects.
Host:
Yes and it’s the same event. Event itself is neutral. There is no meaning behind the event. Right? But the way we look at the event is different right I go into solution mode. He goes into frustration mode. You know someone else may go like excited mode because now they get a call out of work, the car broke down. So many ways to look at the same event but the way we look at it really comes from where we come from.
Davina:
Yeah and even if you catch yourself in frustration or negativity, don’t beat yourself up and just go oh gosh you know there I was being frustrated and angry about this let me shift that. What else is possible here? You know what’s the blessing in this? So even when you find yourself oh my God my friends late or my friend cancelled we’re gonna get together and they cancelled oh well you know move through your frustration and then go what’s great about this oh man I’ve got my journal or I can read this book now or maybe there’s somebody here at the restaurant or the cafe that I could talk to and maybe I’m gonna meet a new friend it’s just re-shifting and refocusing. It’s okay if you feel frustrated, don’t stay there. It’s okay if you feel some anger or whatever move through it. Don’t waste a ton of your life on it.
Host:
Yeah right. And I think it goes back to what you said about picking your tribe like knowing your tribe picking your high vibe tribe like and not feeling bad about it not feeling bad if there’s someone in your life that just isn’t getting it that’s okay. You can be there to support them but you get to choose to surround yourself with people that you know keep their commitments or not even just keep their commitments acknowledge it like instead of just flaking they let you know hey something came up you know and it’s like for me that was always tricky because I would like love people so much that I’m like oh I can’t no one gets left out but then after a while I said okay but I don’t really like when people cancel and don’t tell me like you know so I get it that are accountable because I’m accountable right and that circle gets to grow.
Davina:
Right exactly there may be people in your life that are wasting your time and energy and you can invite them to step up and if that’s not happening and it’s not a reciprocal relationship it’s out of balance you can you know bless them and let them go right or really be mindful about how much time you invest in them. Other times they’re friends that you have that are really committed to you but life happens and I’m saying when those kinds of things happen too it’s an opportunity you know it’s just see it as an opportunity and stay open and see what shows up in your life.
Host:
Yeah and not being hard on yourself for it. Like not being frustrated on you. Like it’s really the self-love and being yourself is a part of accepting yourself for the choices that you make you know and I always say this. I say perfection doesn’t exist but excellence does. Excellence does and you can be in excellence loving yourself but perfection no.
Davina:
Yeah that’s extraordinary but you don’t have to be perfect.
Host:
Yes exactly I love that. It’s so powerful. So going back to how we look at situations. So I know that the reason I go into solution mode when say someone steals my car right say someone or someone hits my car something in my solution mode is how do I get this done? You know what do I do? Call an Uber do I call somebody I’m in solution mode right that comes I know that comes from my childhood because in my childhood I did a lot of self-raising and so I got to be in the solution mode all the time to figure out okay what do I do next how do I get school clothes how do I get this how do I get to school how do I you know I had to figure out my life right yeah and then that comes from my childhood. So I noticed that.
Davina:
You’re very responsible.
Host:
Okay and I know this but also know that when people don’t show up with the same responsibilities in my life I can be offended and I can take it personal and that also comes from that period because people weren’t showing up for me and I thought it meant they didn’t love me and so I’ve learned this little thing about me because I will always look at life from this perspective. This is a belief I created. So when I get into situations and I look at life from this perspective I go into solution mode and then when people don’t show up for me then I’m like okay like you know and I get to work on that but a big realization for me was going back and looking and saying okay this is coming from this past experience yes this event is actually neutral. Look at it from inspiration.
Davina:
Yeah that I mean so just sort of to back up for a minute as a kid obviously it was hurtful to not have people show up for you yeah and even though you might have felt like that’s about me clearly that was about parents that was about whatever was going on with your parents and their life right that that didn’t have anything to do with you. You still felt it. It still didn’t feel great but that wasn’t about you that was about their self-care and their how they were raised and what they were lacking and all that good stuff but yes now you can look at like isn’t this amazing that I learned this skill early on about how to be responsible and how to show up for myself and others and that I have this and maybe not everybody has this but I learned this and I adapted and this is part of my strength and this is my character.
Host:
Yeah absolutely and then when people don’t show up for me I used to take it personal like in relationships. If like a boyfriend doesn’t care I’m like Oh you don’t love me. But I learned instead that that comes from my childhood. That it’s a neutral event. He gets to not show up for whatever reason he gets to not show up for. Instead of me being hurt I get to be inspired like okay let’s reschedule how else can we do this it’s like what’s going on with you why’re you not showing up for me like what’s going on with you? Are you okay? You know and concern I mean with the vision like you said earlier with the positive outcome in mind with the holding people high like okay what’s going on with you.
Davina:
Yeah checking in with them and asking them what’s going on and then if you find that somebody doesn’t show up for you multiple times maybe they don’t want to play at the same level as you do and maybe there’s somebody else that’s a better match you know it’s that whole like attracts like in law of attraction you keep showing up and doing what’s important to you and either the people in your you will attract more people in your life that are up leveling or they’re up leveled other folks will kind of rise up or the people that are not meant to play with you anymore will disappear and that can be sad but it also creates space for something better.
Host:
Yeah absolutely and you know in quantum mechanics they say that with the electron when you observe it, it changes from a wave to matter. Yeah literally but we are made of the electrons so how we observe what’s happening in our life is what we create from we change it we’ve literally and all the observations are really our belief systems that we’ve created from our experiences so how crazy is it that we can say no limiting beliefs uh-uh I’m gonna look at this with inspiration, with curiosity, with connection, love and trust and unity and vision versus he doesn’t love me.
Davina:
That’s right having that positive expectancy literally creates something different in your reality so again we have all these possible you know universes parallel universes possibilities happening the minute you decide on something it becomes fixed right so if you’re gonna decide on something decide on the best positive outcome for you and your life whatever that is you know make that decision and remember to like you talked a little about this briefly but the subconscious you always have these beliefs working in the background right and you want to the reason we want to work with eliminating these limiting beliefs and pre-programming ourselves for positive expectancies is because our unconscious thoughts have such a powerful impact on our lives and determine what we’ll say yes to what we’ll say no to how we show up can I share just a brief story with you about unconscious mind. Okay so years ago I was I was going to do this 40 foot fire walk in Hawaii at a life mastery event okay and I had done about nine months earlier I had done an 8 foot fire walk and I’d gotten like a burn blister on my foot right it was fine everything was okay but here we are nine months later I’m in Hawaii it’s a 40 foot fire walk and I take my shoes off and I’m standing on this lush grass right a few you know feet away from where the firewalk is and I smell the smoke and all the sudden my feet start burning and I was like oh my god oh my god I’m looking down I’m looking for a coal there’s nothing there it’s just grass I literally could feel my feet burning and I was not anywhere near any fire and what I realized was that our minds are so powerful they want to prevent us from getting hurt and they will trick us they will trick us to avoid situations they will tell us things that are not even real my mind was creating pain from something that was not even real so I had to reprogram it. I had to overcome that so that I could walk on those 40 feet hot coals that were in front of me but it blew my mind I learned so much about fear and unconscious processes that are working in our mind. So we have got to overcome those by planting the seeds of positive expectancy.
Host:
How did you do it?
Davina:
I coaches and it was like connecting with the truth like I am stronger than my fear okay I can do this I can do this positive self-talk connecting with like changing my state my focus my physiology my body bringing that all together you know all of my strength mental, physical boom focus. Focusing on where I wanted to go not what I was afraid and I did it and it was amazing but I almost didn’t do it because the fear was so profound it’s mind-boggling so imagine how all of us are going around with fears that we can’t do something that something is dangerous because our subconscious is telling us it’s true and it’s not it’s a lie.
Host:
Yeah it really is so did you get burn blisters?
Davina:
No it was amazing. 40 feet of fire of hot coals. It was phenomenal and then since then I’ve walked on many fire walks since then no problem at all but it was it was just the mind had a memory and it wanted to scare me off.
Host:
And what ways of being were you and you walked on the coal like what did you really connect with when you were on the coal the second time the 40 feet to keep the fear from coming back up when you’re in it?
Davina:
So the coach that I was worked that was there the fire walk coach he said this show me what you’re made of. Show me what you’re made of and I was like boom and I just remembered who I am. I am one with the universe I’m infinite power and possibility and I just submitted it all in one place and I said I can do it I can do it I can do it I focused on what I wanted to go and I went there and so that’s the best advice I can give anybody right is remember who you really are. Oh my God you’re stardust right. You are so powerful you are all of the world coming together and you can do it and tell yourself I can do it and connect with where you want to go and your vision of what you want to create for your life not your fear. Look don’t focus on your fear bring all of your energy together and remember who you really are and go for it and that’s gonna get you through life.
Host:
Yes that’s so powerful. It’s what I do every time I’m at the gym so I’ve been doing endurance training and when I’m at the gym I get to like 20 minutes and like the spirit master the bike like a steady level and like I’m like I can’t I can’t do it oh but then I’m like no you get to do this and literally at some points on the Stairmaster I just count I’m like one two. One two. You get you. You get you. My own cheerleader it works it gets you to the finish line and then when you’re at the finish line it’s so rewarding yeah it’s so it’s being really comfortable with being uncomfortable because fear is uncomfortable.
Davina:
Yes being comfortable that comfortable that’s beautiful there and you that you’re doing it you’re talking to yourself you’re coaching yourself through it you’re saying I get to do it you know it’s not a torture. Wow you get to do this some people can’t get out of bed some people don’t have legs you get to do this this is you’re connecting with that and that’s what we’re talking about right it’s like if you’re an overwhelm slow it down I can handle this I get to do this I will find an answer right believing in yourself.
Host:
Yeah exactly I’m capable and then at the end of the day I love to like reflect on like what didn’t work and what worked and then I also write my intentions for the next day and it’s always before bed intentions for that what didn’t work today with what didn’t I get done and if I got everything done what worked and if I didn’t get something done what didn’t work and then what is my goal for tomorrow. In what ways of being will I possess tomorrow that will achieve this result? Because I get to do this I get to create whatever I want to create I get to be an infinite abundance and I get to be aware when the subconscious takes over and the fear comes. And when I feel uncomfortable warning something stretching something’s gonna change right now. Such a powerful conversation.
Davina:
So I love this I love that you so you’re doing these practices so when you go to sleep every night you’re connecting with like you’re letting go of like you said what didn’t work okay so you’re processing it you’re feeling it letting it go and then you’re pre paving as you go to sleep your next day tomorrow you’re also acknowledging your skillset acknowledging that you made things happen so you’re going to sleep in a really positive mindset and waking up ready to take on the day.
Host:
Yeah absolutely every single day because one thing I did in college was before I would go to bed I would do my calculus or physics or chemistry homework before bed and then I would dream about doing the problems and then I would wake up I’ll take a test and get like the highest score because it was so in my brain it was so easy. So now like before bed I’m very careful before I sleep I’m very careful to be really tapped into what I want to create the next day because when I dream it’s like I programmed my brain for what’s coming and I really want to tap into my dream world even if I don’t remember the dream that’s okay because I really want my brain to be prepared for what’s coming tomorrow in that in that state of sleep.
Davina:
Perfect that’s perfect. Yeah that’s right I love that so all the things that you’re sharing are things that I would recommend to my clients. Those are all the things that get you in that positive mindset and you’re living proof and you see how it works like I can see on your face you’re dynamic, you’re excited and you’re enthusiastic.
Host:
Yes always. Well it’s the life we get to create right like I love happiness. I love passion. I love being powerful and I love connecting to people you know and so what that comes out as it’s fearlessness you know fearlessness like if I get rejection cool I’m gonna reject me are gonna be the people that inspire me you know the people that stay around are the people that are around for a reason and the people that go, go for a reason and that’s okay.
Davina:
You know most successful great experience the most rejection that’s the thing right you’re experiencing a lot of direct rejection it means that you’re putting yourself out into the world right you’re showing up and a much bigger level in a much better playing field and you’re willing to not care about the rejection you’re willing to keep showing up that’s great that’s fantastic.
Host:
Yes okay thank you so much for doing this interview.
Davina:
It’s my pleasure.
Host:
Thank you so much. Okay so before the interview ends, would you like to tell the audience about their free gift?
Davina:
Yeah so what I’m gonna gift you is the first chapter of my book it’s never too late to be yourself you’re gonna get the first audible chapter the book is available on audible and iTunes it’s also available as a paperback everywhere books are sold and I’m gonna give to you the first chapter and so you’ll have that and then if you want to connect with me in the future you can go to DavinaKotuslki.com or follow yourcourageousheart.com.
Host:
Yes wonderful thank you so much for your generosity yes thank you all right guys well thank you for tuning in to the quantum shift and have a wonderful day.